We live in a sex obsessed society. The media bombards us with sexual messages—music, television, magazines, even billboards on buses. Sex sells everything from beauty products to hamburgers. No place is this more true than the proliferation of internet pornography. Pornography has become so common place that Playboy, the company that started the pornography “sexual revolution,” has begun clothing women again to sell magazines.
On one hand, our fascination with sex is understandable. Sex is an amazing part of life. It’s a gift to be celebrated. On the other hand, in our search for the intimacy sex provides, we’ve oftentimes found ourselves lonelier and less fulfilled than when we began.
Internet pornography is the latest example of our failed search. Many people are beginning to realize pornography’s negative impact on us as individuals and as a society. I recently came across the hashtag #NoPorNovember. I created this blog to participate in that conversation about pornography and it’s impact on our culture.
Porn isn’t what it claims; it lies to us. These are the 3 biggest deceptions.
1. Porn promises sexual freedom, but actually perpetuates abuse, violence, and oppression.
Porn claims to be a natural form of sexual expression. More than that, porn claims to actually be beneficial to your sex-life. It can teach you new ways of sexual fulfillment and can release you from the prudish conceptions of sexuality handed down by religion or society.
While, pornography may seem like an agent of freedom, it actually preys on the sexual exploitation of women and men. We aren’t able to detail this here, but you can read a more in-depth article on this specific issue here. However, one point I do want to make in this blog is that pornography is an industry. It’s a business concerned with bottom-line profits. In addition to exploiting people in the porn production process and the abusive behaviors exhibited by it’s consumers, the industry relies heavily on early childhood exposure for increased future sales. Humans are smart. There are ways to make pornography less accessible for children and unconsenting persons. However, children viewing pornography means porn producers stay in business.
Anyone who opposes sexual exploitation, abuse, and violence, regardless of religious or political leanings, should also oppose porn. We must stop the demand for the product! Making pornography illegal is not the answer to the problem—although there should be more stringent laws on its production and accessibility. Pornography sells because we keep buying; when we buy, real people get hurt.
2. Porn promises intimacy, but actually steals it away.
Porn claims to give sexual intimacy. Sex, when done right, builds intimacy in a couple’s relationship. It pours gasoline on a roaring fire. As humans, we long for that kind of closeness and human connection. Why can’t we substitute porn for that intimacy when we’re not in a relationship?
To begin, pornography usage rewires the brain (and body) to react to sexual stimulation—in this case, internet sex rather than in person sex. Pornography, especially when combined with masturbation, creates these new neural pathways in the brain very quickly. Problems arises when a person wants to have in-person sexual experiences after porn usage. First, many people experience sexual dysfunctions due to the changes from pornography. Porn takes away the ability to have satisfying sex with an actual person. Second, many people find it difficult to connect with real life person sexually. A real relationship comes have thoughts, feelings, and needs. That’s pretty unattractive once you’ve trained your brain to respond to video people, who never say no, are always in the mood, and are also interested in your pleasure alone.
What about watching porn with your significant other? Again, the brain learns to respond to sexual stimuli from a computer screen rather than just your partner. Once you start using porn, you must continue as a couple or the same problems will emerge. Furthermore, sex fulfills us the most, in loving committed relationships. By nature, porn introduces other partners into a relationship. It’s only a matter of time before jealousy and shame destroy the intimacy in the relationship.
3. Porn promises relief, but actually causes more problems.
Oftentimes, pornography usage is about self-medicating relief, not sex. It’s a way to control our emotions. Typically people who’ve looked a pornography understand this pretty easily. What do you do when you’re stressed? When you’re depressed? When you’re lonely? Pornography, like any other form of sex, gives relief through the endorphins and dopamine released in the brain through orgasm. Basically, it makes us happy—at least in the short term.
Unfortunately, it creates more problems than it solves. We seek release, but find bondage. First, pornography is usually part of a cycle of shame. The impulse to seek out pornography creates a sense of euphoria. The feelings ends with the release of dopamine and the relaxation that comes after an orgasm. Oftentimes, a sense of shame overwhelms us because we realize we’re actually still alone, still anxious, and still unfulfilled. Especially if a person is attempting to stop using porn, this leaves them with a sense of uncontrollability. These shameful feelings lead us to seek further release, and thus goes the cycle. This is where sexual compulsion begins. As the cycle continues, pornography works like drug or alcohol abuse, it takes increasingly more substance to receive the same effect. Additionally, the shame cycle continues even when people view pornography as moral acceptable.
Using porn as a drug, leads to the same repercussions as any other addiction. Porn takes up more and more time, leaving little left for relationships in the real world. It begins to come at a physical cost too. Not only can it lead to financial burden through paid pornography, but potential job ramifications. Pornography abuse leads to increased risky behavior to attain the “high” you’re looking for. This could be looking at porn at work, not going to work, or doing something illegal that ends in suspension or termination. Inevitably, it will lead to relationship or marital problems.
Pornography leads to victimization, it takes away the intimacy we long for, and it leaves us worse than it found us. The lies porn tells come at a high cost. Join the movement of people who are fighting.
